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Catherine DeMonte, LMFT - Contributing Writer
is available for purchase at http://www.amazon.com/MAKING-MARRIAGE-SUCCESS-Pearls-Experts/dp/1614345252/ref=cm_cmu_up_thanks_hdr and http://booklocker.com/books/5861.html
I am happy to announce that I was interviewed as a “Relationship Expert” for a book “Making Marriage a Success” by Jaleh Weber which just got published. The book is available on Amazon, at Barnes and Noble and online bookstores. It may also be purchased as an e-book. Here is my contribution to it:
Thought I would share it with you in the hopes that it might be useful to you in your life. ~enjoy!
“It is important to remember that when we enter into a relationship we are not entering it empty handed. We arrive into every relationship with our own baggage, our own stories, our own spoken and unspoken/conscious and unconscious beliefs, goals and desires, our own gender and role assignments, our parents input and programming, and all of our experiences. That is a lot to bring. Although we THINK we are seeing our partner with fresh eyes, we are really looking at him or her through a set of lenses; lens made out of past relationships and our whole belief system. How that shows up is, if for example your father abandoned your family when you were a child, you may believe all men eventually leave and will forever be on the lookout for his departure. You look for it so you won’t be side-swiped “when” (not “if”) it happens and may look for cues and clues that aren’t really there of his eventual departure. You might even unconsciously push him away so he will prove you right.
Another example is a girl who didn’t get a lot of attention from her father growing up might feel lonely and not cared about by her husband because he works long hours all week. However his story is that it’s a man’s job to provide well for his family and by sacrificing so much time away to earn money he is proving to her how much she means to him. A conversation about how both partners see the same situation differently becomes vital.
Whatever your “wound” or story is – it is important to have enough self-awareness so that you know when your partner triggers you, you don’t see it as “proof” of your wound – such as “I am not enough”, “I will be abandoned” “I have to do everything myself”, etc. Otherwise self-judgments turn into “My PARTNER is saying I am not enough”, “S/he is going to leave me.”, etc.
It is common to hear one half of a couple say to the other, “That is NOT what I said” or “I didn’t mean it like that!” That is because how it is said and how it lands by the listener can be two different things. We sometimes forget we are hearing things through our own filters. So when triggered by your partner, it is important not to look across at them and assign blame for how you feel but to look DOWN – into yourself, and see why you are triggered (which you can determine if you ask questions like “How does this feeling feel familiar?” or, “Do I truly believe my partner would mean it the way I took it? Is that really like him or her?”).
One of the many gifts of being in the close and intimate relationship that is marriage is that our partners becomes mirrors for us – mirrors that reflect both our beauty and where we need to grow. Perhaps if you get triggered by your partner, you can RESPOND instead of REACT and use it as an opportunity for your own self-awareness, growth and healing. This brings about not only self-awareness, but closeness and connection in the relationship as well.”
Catherine DeMonte, LMFT
Marriage, Family, Child Therapy
(310) 295-2130 Beverly Hills
(818) 880-6559 Calabasas
www.catherinedemonte.com
facebook http://www.facebook.com/catherinedemonte
DECEMBER TELECLASS
December 13, 2011
6pm PST/9p EST
Catherine De Monte, LMFT
I am honored to be a part of this masterful parenting course that is changing lives! The Ultimate Parenting Course is a home study program that gives you 8 videos/8 themes and a downloadable Handbook with action exercises. Twenty experts, widely considered the best in their field in progressive parenting, are interspersed in these 8 themes bringing you the best of today’s parent education together in one program. There are bonus videos for this course as well. The course content is derived from exclusive interviews and written material from a cadre of seasoned experts, distilling the best of their collective knowledge in one place. Upon purchase of this course, you will receive a password-protected link to view your first two videos and download the Handbook, Section I. You will receive two videos and the corresponding Handbook weekly, as well as your bonus videos. You can get more info. on the course or read about other parenting aids at the ultimate parenting bookstore at this link: http://ultimateparentingcourse.com/store/?ap_id=cathdemonte
Jessica was so kind and grateful that I participated in this project. Here is what she shared with me:
“Thank you, again, for lending your exclusive voice to this home study course with “the best of today’s progressive parenting experts” all in one place. Things are coming together and I am very excited.
I hope the Fall season is brining you peace in your home and in your heart. I have been deep at work interviewing parenting experts, PhD’s, MD’s, psychotherapists, and educators, all for contributions to online parenting course I am putting together. The course will have video, audio and text with information in eight essential themes applicable to parents of children from birth to age seven. I have been moved to tears and truly inspired during the filming process and I can’t wait to share this finished product with you. I have found myself making changes in my own parenting as a result of these interviews and it feels good! Thank goodness for FLUIDITY in parenting!!”
And now! A note from our sponsor!!:)
I know how challenging co-parenting can be when you add the stress of the daily demands of young children, work, financial stresses, health concerns, and the rest of it! I am hosting this teleclass with the lovely Catherine DeMonte on the topic of co-parenting to hopefully, bring relief, inspiration and support to you! Read on for the details. Register Here. This teleclass requires a phoneline; you dial into a conference call and after the call we email you with bullet points and action exercises from the class. Best of all, this telelcass is FREE. This is all part of the monthly offerings from the community of experts at the newly created www.UltimateParentingCourse.com.
Yours,
Jessica Williams, founder L.O.V.E Parenting
REGISTER HERE!!
This free teleclass is on the topic of Co-Parenting. We will cover topics including maintaining connection, creating a division of labor that works for your unique family, managing when you disagree about media, food, bedtimes, etc, developing a healthy co-parenting relationship during and after divorce, and the notion of “co-parenting” with other members of your community (grandparents, other parents, etc.)
Here is a link to the Ultimate Parenting bookstore: http://ultimateparentingcourse.com/store/?ap_id=cathdemonte! On the home page is a Free Teleclass box with a Sign-Up button. Register for the Free Teleclass and I’ll look forward to sharing with you on Tuesday! You can also check out the Ultimate Parenting Home Study (8 week) course with the “Best of the Nations’ progressive parenting experts”
This teleclass is hosted by Jessica Williams, of www.LoveParentingLA.com and creator of thewww.UltimateParentingCourse.com.
Love and Gratitude,
Catherine DeMonte, LMFT
Children ◦ Teens ◦ Adults ◦ Couples Issues ◦ Parenting ◦ Pregnancy
Grief Work and Loss ◦ Depression and Anxiety ◦ Life Transitions
Healing Past Wounds ◦ Finding Your Purpose
(818) 880-6559
(310) 295-2130
Receiving feedback is so important. We often take feedback as criticism and become offended. These videos will teach and remind you the intention behind feedback, how to receive it, and what it means to the person who shared it with you. As we become more comfortable in our own skin, feedback will strengthen who we are. Thank you for taking this in and trying it on.
With Love and Gratitude,
Catherine DeMonte, LMFT
Receiving Feedback Part One - http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Kt79U9OKQPg
Receiving Feedback Part Two - http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Ero__2DX7CU
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